


Infatuation and Lube

by Fek



Category: Naruto
Genre: Bad Pick-Up Lines, F/M, Romantic Comedy, Second-Hand Embarrassment, how do I tag this?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 08:11:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7676836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fek/pseuds/Fek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kakashi becomes infatuated with a fellow sex shop frequenter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Infatuation and Lube

**Author's Note:**

  * For [livvy_luu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/livvy_luu/gifts).



It was the kind of day that didn’t offer opportunity; a lazy, cloudy Saturday that only inspired the most motivated of the human race. For some it meant finishing one last chore and sleeping, others would spend it watching the ever changing sky. Some would take a trip to the closest adult shop, intending to buy a product and then get to the fun part. 

Kakashi indulged the latter notion.

He strolled with his usual posture, appearing relaxed as he passed through the door. Above him, a suggestively shaped bell rang with a gentle  _ tinkle _ sound. He had spent time in here before, of course. With all the porn he read, he knew the placement of every product they carried, as well as the general price ranges better than even some employees. He walked to the shelf against the side wall and plucked up his product, making his way to the front desk.

And then he turned and saw a stranger looking through lingerie. An attractive stranger.

Kakashi berated himself for the amount of shock, or surprise, or whatever else that momentarily jostled his system. He continued past her to the front.

“--and, well, the blood splatter volume and direction pointed to  _ one person _ , and they still got it wrong.” She joked with the employee, her voice bouncing with humour and a short laugh. “So, three people died in one weekend. It didn’t matter though, because a rash beats anaphylactic shock any day.” She added as an afterthought. Not only was the content bizarrely out of context, but it was delivered with such subtle expertise that he had to appreciate it. Kakashi found himself slightly amused at the tail end of the story, holding in a chuckle, despite not making sense of the connection between three murders and an allergy.

She turned around, and he only just caught her eyes as she headed to the front of the store with what she had selected. He found himself blinking as her expression registered, something mischievous and sweet, and he felt his cheeks warm under his mask. She paid, but he set the lube down and left immediately. 

'Love at first sight' does not exist, he reminded himself, but infatuation certainly does.

 

* * *

 

The next day, he went back because he got home and remembered that he still didn’t have any lube. He got to about the same place as the day before, this time paying for the lube at the front counter, while an exceptionally disinterested cashier accepted his money. The same cashier from yesterday. An idea struck him.

“The woman who was here yesterday,” he began, “she’s not from here is she?”

“Hm?” The person, barely old enough to be working here, shifted their gaze up from a magazine. “Oh, her. Nah, she just transferred in on some new job or something. Why?”

“A shinobi must always be aware of their surroundings.” He smiled like he was lecturing a team of genin.

They raised their brow at him, entirely unconvinced. “Do you have a crush on her or something?”

“Maa, I wouldn’t say that.”

“Good, because she’s coming down the street right now.” 

Indeed, she was. Kakashi froze as he heard the bell ring behind him. The first thing she did was ask the cashier about their day.

“So far it’s been pretty dull, but epiphanies happen at the oddest moments, right?” Their eyes flicked at Kakashi slyly. “How’s the clothing line?”

“It’s been hard finding the right fabric to match the designs. I honestly wasn’t prepared for the lack of choices.”

Kakashi looked at her truly for the first time, eyebrow twitching in smug confusion. “A clothing line?”

She glanced up at him, quickly looking away. “A lingerie line.” 

He snorted. 

“What?” She snapped, indignant at his ignorance.

“Nothing. Nothing.”

“You may as well finish the thought, Hatake-san.” The cashier quips.

“It’s just a tad unexpected…” His eyes shift to a pornographic image above the counter. “Weren’t you talking about a horrible murder yesterday?” 

The way her face melted away from anger into wide-eyed realization and then a rosy-cheeked smile made Kakashi hold back a smile by biting his cheek. “Don’t be concerned, I don’t mix my interests.” Her eyes narrow, reminiscent of something almost dangerous.

Kakashi decided to leave with one hand in his pocket, one tossed 0ver his shoulder in a wave, and the promise of “Later.” on his tongue.

 

* * *

 

That night he went for a drink with his self-declared Eternal Rival, as well as a few others. And of course, Guy knew something was up two drinks in. 

“For the love of God, can’t you let me drink in peace.” he groaned.

“Absolutely not! If one is not happy when they are socially binge drinking, then they are merely an alcoholic with an excuse!”

“That isn’t at all how it works.” He buried his head in his hands, blocking out the image of his friend dramatically gesturing with his entire body.

“Of course it is!”

“I’m pretty sure it’s not.” Asuma pipes in. He took the argument away from Kakashi, and into the realm of what is and isn’t considered alcoholic. Kakashi silently thanked him.

 

But at the end of the night, Asuma decided to follow and interrogate him. Kakashi was no longer thanking him.

“It’s something to do with emotions, isn’t it.” He puffs out cigarette smoke, staring at it as it fades into the night.

Kakashi’s step faltered. “Who said anything of the sort? You’re letting Guy get to your head.”

“Yeah, but that guy knows you better than you like to admit.”

Kakashi sighs heavily. “It doesn’t matter. Just leave it alone.”

“Alright, alright.” He takes another drag. “But if you ever need to yell at someone for a while, you know where I am.”

Kakashi smirked in fond remembrance of when they were both a little younger, when he was highly unstable and would occasionally blow up and Asuma would listen like it didn’t matter. It had been exactly what he had needed a few times.

“It’s about a woman.” He allowed himself to say. Asuma’s rich laughter filled the empty street.

“Are you serious? You had us actually worried because you have bad social skills?” He glared at the man, who stopped mid-motion. “Sorry, sorry. So you’re in love?” He took a step forward to rest a casual arm on his shoulder, which Kakashi considered shrugging off.

“Maa, I wouldn’t go that far. I’ve only seen her twice, both times in a sex store.”

Asuma laughed again, and one full explanation later, he was coming up with some kind of terrible plan.

 

“You have to talk to her. I’ll come with you.”

“Very discreet.”

“You can help me pick out something sexy for Kurenai’s birthday.” He proposed.

“Why should I help you with your sex life?”

“Remember that time you were really drunk and you asked me if I wanted to bang you?”

Kakashi cocked his head to one side, pausing his steps. “That’s a fair point. But you’re forgetting it’s unlikely she will even be there.”

“I still need your advice on underwear.”

Kakashi scoffed. “Selfish bastard.”

 

* * *

 

Asuma entered the shop behind him and they went straight to the section filled with bras and corsets, disregarding the same miserable looking cashier. Asuma was enthralled with the assortment, no doubt imagining Kurenai in every garment he touched. Kakashi sighed loudly, reminding Asuma for the fourth time that Kurenai actually has to wear it, and to do that she has to manage to put it on, which meant  _ an outfit made entirely of inch thick ribbon is not at all practical, and she would have to use all the foreplay time attempting to figure out where the damned head hole is. Use your brain, Asuma. _

And by complete coincidence, the lady walked in, announced by bells and long brown hair. Kakashi’s heart thudded a little harder, but it was easy to disregard when he spent half his time on adrenaline rushes from life and death combat. Asuma noticed his eye shift her direction, and wiggled his brows suggestively.

“Can I help you?” She inquired. Kakashi internally chastised Asuma’s inability to be subtle.

“Well, actually…”

 

She was eager to help pick out clothing for a model with red eyes, and quickly narrowed down Asuma’s search. Kakashi tried to flirt with her discreetly, making references to his sexual prowess and her own appearance. Unfortunately, she noticed exactly none of it. (“I can think of someone who’d look really good in that.” “Oh, do you know a local model?”) He sighed as Asuma desperately tried to buy time with his indecisiveness. 

She picked out something for herself easily and continued to the front with Asuma awkwardly trailing behind her. His practised lines failed him, he had run out of time. Kakashi ran his hand through his hair. What was he supposed to do, be himself? The very thought unsettled him. 

He didn’t like how involved he was, as though he was already attached to the idea of an intangible future.

She tried to pay, and the disinterest in the cashier’s eyes was relieved as they browsed the faces of the customers. One eyebrow quirked up when they looked at Kakashi. “Oh.” They ducked behind the counter, only to come back up and throw a tube at Kakashi. He caught it as it whizzed past the woman’s eyes. “You forgot that yesterday.”

He thought back, and yes, he remembered leaving with a hand in his pocket and one in the air. Neither carrying a tube. Oops.

The woman looked at it and giggled, much to his own amusement. “Blackberry flavoured?” She asked.

He averted his eyes. “I like blackberries.”

“So do I. That’s a good one.”

Kakashi swallowed and looked down at her. It was now or never. The cashier leant forward onto the desk. “Did… Did you activate the Tsukuyomi?” She knits her brows in confusion. “Because you’re making me feel like I’m in a dream world.”

Asuma facepalmed. The cashier smacked their head into the desk.

“What’s a Tsukuyomi?”

“It’s a Jutsu that... focuses on manipulating reality… and illusions thereof…”

“I’ve never heard of it.”

“It’s an uncommon skill.”

“Then why would I be able to activate it?”

“Well, that wasn’t really the purpose of the sentence.”

The cashier audibly groaned while Asuma stared at Kakashi in equal parts, amusement, frustration, and exasperation.

“I’m sorry, this isn’t really going like I had hoped.”

“What were you hoping for?”

“Um….”

The cashier began ringing in Asuma’s purchase. “You two are almost there. Keep going.”

She stared at him sceptically. “Well, I was wondering if…” His eyes searched everywhere but her face, his blush was hidden only by his mask. “If you’d like to go out with me sometime.” He finally looked at her. As the realization set in, her face heated up to an almost inhuman shade of red.

'Love at first sight' doesn’t exist, he reminded himself. 'Infatuation at first sight' is not nearly so significant. She gawked at him, and in turn, they were gawked at, spectators became victims of the train wreck effect.

 

“Oh.” She stuttered finally. Kakashi looked at her in shock. The cashier clapped, spitefully, sarcastically. Asuma winced at the general awkwardness of the entire exchange. “Okay, sure. Do you have something in mind?”

 

_ Sometimes infatuation at first sight is just as important as love at first sight. _

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't my regular style or subject of writing, so I apologize for any inconsistencies or awkwardness. This is also the other part of a gift for Miss Olivia.
> 
> The train wreck effect is when something horrible happens and you can't look away for some reason. I do not know ifthis is an actual thing.
> 
> I learned that past tense is difficult, and action based narratives (rather than thought) are not my style.


End file.
